dy1ng_onar4inb0w | Stuff I think I should say (Reply)

So a doctor said that we should get visit to the psychiatrist and...god will that take long with how trashy our social work is...

So, I had no other option than to try again with abilify andd...

It seems the medication wasn't why I vomited my heart out!! Yayyy

When I first took it, I felt my mind somehow clearer, but also blank. And then next morning I felt happy asf, and giggled at everything. I hated it. I hated giggling at everything. I didn't enjoy it. I don't like my way of acting changing because of some goddamned medication, I want it to change because it's genuine, it feels forced...

But ohhh well, I kept taking it, and atleast, I don't feel like that anymore. But my mom says i'm a bit more tolerable with things, I mean, that I'm being tolerable.

So...that...I felt like I should talk about it.

On the other side, I've been having fantasies of self mutilating or just getting hit by cars having my organs out, that stuff. I figured that maybe I started romanticizing all that AGAIN because of social media, and uninstalled tiktok since it's the app I used the most. For now i'm feeliing pretty good withouth tiktok but really all those thoughts haven't stopped. And weird enough it always happens after school....

And this also doesn't have anything to do with that but, I came to a new conclusion about AI yet again:

It's not bad if you don't use it for creative commons and if you don't claim that x thing it did was made by you. It pollutes yeah but really I haven't used it in long unless it was VERY neccessary.

And as for c.ai, which I used today for the very first time after 3 months to try something...

I felt bored. Bored as fuck. It was one of the most boring shit ever. I just wanted to use it to see if the person who made a Rocío AI got her personality right but, it's boring as fuck, and it kept treating me as if I was Rocío.

So yeah. If you dont have an 19 screentime on that it's not bad if we're talking about others, but for me, that was boring as hell and I prefer creating and roleplaying with other people.

So that's all I wanted to talk about today. I survived. See yall!!