dy1ng_onar4inb0w | Entries tagged with life talking

Current Mood: anxious
Current Music: My classmates annoying noise.

Dreamwidth is horrible saving drafts. First silly thing.

Soo, K injured her toe so she hasn't came for 2 days, and won't come for 2 more days. I'm passing these days alone. Why?

Because as you might already know, my classmates are IDIOTS.

I HATE THEM SO MUCH.

So first of all, they're super loud, and I cant block them out even with music, but hey, that happens to everyone right?? I don't hate them just because of that.

They're dumb

But what do I define as dumb? You may ask

Yes, they don't know basic maths, and basic english but I don't mind that. Everyone learns differently. But that's the thing...

THEY DON'T WANT TO LEARN.

On the first weeks of class, they kept doing plans of nobody doing the homework so they could do it in class. And in class? They didn't do shit. I always come with my homework done, because I'm not letting myself get slown down by idiots. But when on class the teacher lets them do the homework there, and they DON'T, we end up with multiple classes to "finish the homework" and GOD WE'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE!

And the teachers. The shitty teachers. They BARELY come! Do you guys understand I HAVE NO MATHS TEACHER?? SHE LEFT HER JOB AND IT'S BEEN A MONTH OR MORE SINCE I HAD A MATH CLASS. DO YOU UNDERSTAND I'M TEACHING MYSELF MATH?? I'M LEARNING (OR TRYING) TO LEARN QUADRATIC FUNCTION BY MYSELF!

"But nobody forces you too" I KNOW. I KNOW DAMN WELL NOBODY TOLD ME TO DO THIS BUT I DON'T WANT TO FALL BEHIND! I WANT TO LEARN UNLIKE MY CLASSMATES! I WANT A JOB! I NEED A JOB IN THIS CAPITALISTIC SOCIETY! I DON'T WANT TO DIE! I DON'T WANT TO JUST BE SOMEONE ELSE! I WANT PEOPLE TO REMEMBER ME! Specifically remember me because of my art

And i'm gonna go on later. The teacher FINALLY came.

Current Mood: crushed
Current Music: Shijurui Burning-Nero's day at disneyland

Rocío dresses very cool!! She looks like a raccoon, that makes her cool
Rocío made flash games
Rocío knows how to use computers (def)
Rocío would kind of know what the fuck i'm talking about if we were to have a conversation
ROCÍO HAS 12 EMPANADAS. I THINK THEY WOULD BE MEAT EMPANADAS

(that's a reference to a drawing K did on my sketchbook)

Rocío would tell me to stop crying

Rocío would tell me TU NO HA TENIDO 3 CARAJO DE DIFICULTAD EN TU VIDA‼️

A TI NO TE FALTÓ LA ESCUELA NO TE FALTÓ COMIDA ‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️🔥

Rocío is kind of in the same situation as me so she should stfu.

Rocío definetely also has a depressive disorder

Rocío would take me a bit more seriously

Rocío would understand a bit more. Even if it's just by a bit.

And

Why did I make this you may ask??

I had a fight again w my mom and i'm feeling horrible. The thing is my brain loves making stuff worse so it started assimilating Rocío and my mom because they have the same name.

I feel so confused. Doctors tell me I'm depressed but they didn't specify which type of depression I have, and it confuses me so much...Also, I probably also have an attention deficit too

I feel so confused, I cannot figure out what I have...

I feel like this is a bit too personal, might delete later

Current Mood: anxious
Current Music: Stretched linen over contorted bodies - Nero's day at disneyland

Yesterday, I think that some man whistled at me and K. I'm scared now, because as always I have to go on and overthink it.

What if it genuinely is my fault, what if i'm just being exaggerated, what if something happens to me and K, I don't feel comfy wearing skirts and everything I like anymore.

And I don't want to talk to my mom cause I feel like she'll say that I just have to stop wearing skirts. I know she just wants to protect me, but I also don't want to lose my individuality to some brainless men whistling at me.

I feel angry, scared, sad, everything. Today I put on a skirt, and now I want to cry. I don't want to go out, i'm scared.

My only comfort at the moment is thinking that Rocío probably went through the same. Because of course I have to use my favourite character as comfort. And maybe she also thought she was being exaggerated? Or that she was just hearing things and that she was being stupid over it??

I'm too fucking anxious maybe. But i'm still scared of those boys.

Stupid, stupid boys, invoking fear into random girls they thought looked pretty or something, washing away their individuality. I wonder how many times this happened.

And maybe it's not even the way I dress. Maybe it could have happened even if I had pants but K had pants, and that day she was all covered, JUST LIKE ME! I HAD THE LONGEST JACKET EVER! And it still happened. There's no way of escaping it??? Do I have to live in fear no matter what???

What was this called?

I don't know.

I don't want to get out. I want to look pretty at home and just at home now...

Edit: It's most likely they weren't whistling at me and K. So, i'm fine now...kind of...

Current Location: laceygames.com
Current Music: Tengoku e Ikou- Kikuo

Tengoku e ikou ahh Lacey/Rocío

It's suposssed to be Rocío dressing up as Lacey, but it looks WAYYY more like Lacey rather than Rocío...

Oh well..

Anyways.

This is my first time using Krita!! I LOVED it!! It's amazing :33

Kinda hard but I'll get used to it!!
Yayy

Current Mood: frustrated

So, we were invited to a book fair.

And me and K went!!

Together, we were going together, and this girl that I think I mentioned before, D, a chinese girl who doesn't know spanish, would stay with us so she didn't get lost. (Everyone says dealing with her is hard, but, I found it fun! I liked talking to her even if it was throught a translator and because of simple stuff)

So, when we going on the underground train, we use this card to pay called a sube card! Normally, students would pay less but.

WE HAD TO PAY THE DOUBLE OF WHAT A NORMAL PERSON PAYS ON BUS. OH GOOD LORD.

K didn't have any money on her card so I paid for her, and then I DIDNT HAVE MONEY ON MY CARD ANYMORE GOOD LORD

and then

this angel came down

D paid for me.

AND IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE AT FIRST I WAS GONNA PAY FOR HER BECAUSE SHE DIDN'T HAVE A CARD BUT THEN SHE FOUND HER CARD AND PAID FOR ME LMAO

Well the rest of the proccess of going was...shit to say the least. Lots of people, lots of crowds, having to take photos in the fucking sun.

SHIT.

But then, we came inside the fair.

LORD IT WAS BEAUTIFUL

AIR CONDITIONER.

AND GOOD LORD THERE WAS SO MANY BOOKS AND COMICS TO CHOOSE, I BOUGHT 3.

And I gave K some money because she only had 6000 pesos and eh...unless there's an offer of 3 comics for 6000 which there was, she really couldn't buy much. (Some money was 20000 pesos. I feel guilty. My parents weren't quite happy. I learned my mistake.)

And yeah it was fun, we bought ice cream together, I shared ofc...Diana didn't quite buy anything...but I hope atleast she didn't suffer...

And yeah, beautiful until...

WE HAD TO GO.

So you see, the teacher said that after we could get out whenever we wanted.

WRONG.

WHEN WE WERE AT THE EXIT, TO LEAVE D BECAUSE HER DAD CAME FOR HER, WE WENT TO THE BATHROOM AND THEN CAME BACK

We helped D a bit because she had no phone and needed the translator, and to call her dad, I lend her my phone to call him

And then we tried getting out!

"Oh you can't because you're a minor."

GOD DAMN YOU WALTER.

Some of my classmates said they got out withouth any problem though, so I'm guessing D was what made them realize we were minors because well, she doesn't look like an adult, the classmate who said they got out withouth any problem can easily be mistaken by an adult-

So we waited for D's dad because the security guard said that if we could get out with him, but I had a better idea since her dad was confused asf and didn't know spanish probably.

I called my mom and told her to get us!!

And she did but good lord did we wait...

and cursed the teacher-

So, atleast...the comics I bought had a cute style...

Current Music: Return to Zero Beztebya

GOSHHHHHHHHHHH I HATE THEMM

GOD HOW CAN SOMEONE BE SO FUCKING UGHHH

Well so, for context, today the teacher thought it would be a great idea to make a "gAmE tO kNoW eAcHoThEr" (it's been 2 months since we've been in class together)

And the game was, we threw some wool ball and then, we said something nice to the person we threw the ball to. Nice game, isn't it?? Well, my classmates are everything BUT nice. Classmates will ruin EVERYTHING.

So, as we were playing, someone accidentally threw it to this girl we'll call Dara. And then, everyone started laughing at the fact that this guy we'll call Vladimir had to compliment HER. Why? You may ask--Well you see, Dara here is chinese, AND SHE DOESN'T KNOW SPANISH. But the teacher tried being nice and making her participate by being able to talk to us through a translator!!

Well everyone was laughing their ass of, going "ching chang chong" shit, and Vladimir complaining he wasn't supossed to throw the ball to her. GOD HOW HARD IS IT TO STAY WITH YOUR MOUTH SHUT AND JUST SAY SOMETHING NICE??

Then he called her nice and quiet, that's all. Then this girl threw the ball to someone else, a girl we'll call Maya, saying she was really funny. Well, that's it.

Then it was this girl's turn-We'll just call her C because I hate her too much to give her an actual name. So C was taking too long, and the teacher asked what is taking so long?? Well, guess what she said:

"Oh it's because there are too many onii chans here."

BITCH WHAT THE FUCK-

Now if you don't get it, welcome to Argentina, here being and otaku is of course just like almost everywhere, an insult! But is it limited to only anime fans?? Of courseee not, here they use it to mock ANYONE WHO DRESSES DIFFERENTLY.

Now I knew damn well she refered to me and my friend K--She dresses goth, while I my way of dressing is inspired on yamikawaii, jojifuku, and just pastel clothing on general with my menhera chan stamps.

"Wait, K? But K is goth!" WELL YEAH THEY USE IT ON GOTH PEOPLE TOO.

Ugh, I can see she has an 18 hour screentime on tiktok (this whole shit started on tiktok).

And then, of course, nobody trieed passing the ball to us because then they'd have to compliment us, atleast until the teacher FORCED AND PRESSURED THEM TO.

Goddammit I DON'T WANT A FORCED COMPLIMENT!

Well so, it was, C2's turn. Again, won't bother with a name. He had to compliment K, AND HE TOOK SO FUCKING LONG.

Then this girll, we'll call her Bi, complimented me, she said I was pretty smart and nice--I appreciated that!!!

But then she said that I always gave them what they had to do for homework and stuff, and of course i'm not offended by that.

I'M OFFENDED BY THE FACT THAT THE REST STARTED CLAPPING THERE. You see, with our dialect "giving what we have to do for homework."

And of course, doing that isn't wrong. I just know that they use me for just that. Ugh, disgusting.

And then it was MY turn to compliment someone. I didn't know what to do. I hate THEM ALL.

So I told a girl she was pretty.

"Hey but that's too superficial!! say something you noticed about her!!" said the teacher.

SHUT THE FUCK UP THAT'S LITERALLY ALL I HAVE TO SAY. I DON'T KNOW HER I DON'T EVEN KNOW HER NAME.

"So you wanna know her further!!" No. No I fucking don't. UGH.

And that's all.

I survived another day, hope you did too.

Current Mood: accomplished
Current Music: The wind over the trees

So a doctor said that we should get visit to the psychiatrist and...god will that take long with how trashy our social work is...

So, I had no other option than to try again with abilify andd...

It seems the medication wasn't why I vomited my heart out!! Yayyy

When I first took it, I felt my mind somehow clearer, but also blank. And then next morning I felt happy asf, and giggled at everything. I hated it. I hated giggling at everything. I didn't enjoy it. I don't like my way of acting changing because of some goddamned medication, I want it to change because it's genuine, it feels forced...

But ohhh well, I kept taking it, and atleast, I don't feel like that anymore. But my mom says i'm a bit more tolerable with things, I mean, that I'm being tolerable.

So...that...I felt like I should talk about it.

On the other side, I've been having fantasies of self mutilating or just getting hit by cars having my organs out, that stuff. I figured that maybe I started romanticizing all that AGAIN because of social media, and uninstalled tiktok since it's the app I used the most. For now i'm feeliing pretty good withouth tiktok but really all those thoughts haven't stopped. And weird enough it always happens after school....

And this also doesn't have anything to do with that but, I came to a new conclusion about AI yet again:

It's not bad if you don't use it for creative commons and if you don't claim that x thing it did was made by you. It pollutes yeah but really I haven't used it in long unless it was VERY neccessary.

And as for c.ai, which I used today for the very first time after 3 months to try something...

I felt bored. Bored as fuck. It was one of the most boring shit ever. I just wanted to use it to see if the person who made a Rocío AI got her personality right but, it's boring as fuck, and it kept treating me as if I was Rocío.

So yeah. If you dont have an 19 screentime on that it's not bad if we're talking about others, but for me, that was boring as hell and I prefer creating and roleplaying with other people.

So that's all I wanted to talk about today. I survived. See yall!!

Current Mood: sick
Current Music: Ángel- Kairiki Bear

As you read on the title, I took Abilify for the first time.

I THOUGHT THIS WAS SUPOSSED TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER NOT MAKE ME FEEL WORSE WHAT THE FUCK
I miss the moments when I didn't take the abilify...💔

I get nauseous every now and then, I actually vomited twice, I didn't sleep SHIT, I just tossed and turned all night, ughhh...

And now I'm dizzy asf, every now and then I feel like I will pass out...

I don't even have energy to write...fuckkkkkkk....

Well

That's the update for today

Pray I don't die

or smth

??

Current Mood: apathetic
Current Music: Naku Rietsu - Rory in early 20s

Today I had to talk with a psychiatrist by phone.

It was...definetely something.

So she asked my mom stuff about me, I was right besides her because she wanted me to talk whenever she forgot to say something. I actually forgot most of what she told my mom because, I always do. I always forget this stuff somehow. I don't know if it's normal.

I think she told her about how I suspected I might be autistic, and about what I call crying episodes where I cry for like 2 hours, scream, and try to scratch myself. Turns out this is self harm? I didn't do it with the intent of self harm I just...do it. And I never genuinely hurt myself too badly. She also told her about how loud noises were mega annoying to me, and how much I suffered on the primary graduation trip. She asked if I had many friends, she said no.

I don't know what are many friends. I consider I have the neccesary amount of friends. I have a friendgroup who I talk to everyday which is about 4 people. The fourth one isn't usually online. We're 5 including myself, but we barely hang out. We only chat. We're friends since primary school.

Then I have two online friends, one being one of my closests friends, and the other one I met him some weeks ago. Any other person I talked to before, sorry but I don't quite consider them friends. Atleast not anymore.

Then friends at school, right now just about one or maybe two if I want to consider the other girl a friend? But really, me and K are perfect like that. I don't want anyone else. It's too much, too overwhelming. Or maybe it would be easier if B also talked to K.

And my last school, I had M but we barely talk anymore. Just replying to one another's whatsapp status and that's about it. I'm ok with it. I don't want any further communication. And I don't want any more friends, that's more than enough. More will bring me insane. Not saying I hate to talk to them but you have to take care of your friendships, you know?

Then the psychiatrist talked to me. She asked me stuff like why do I feel like nobody understands me, about my friendships, about school, uhh...what more...ughh can't remember..I had something at the tip of my tongue but I can't remember!!!!! This is annoying. I hate it. I should write more and use social media even much less. That will be better. Short videos are overstimulating my brain. Maybe I should uninstall instagram too.

Well coming back to the Psychiatrist, she asked me too if I saw or heard stuff. I said I didn't, other than my own voice in my head. Didn't mention that if it's not that i'm daydreaming or listening to music in my head. If I can't use headphones that's ok I have my head.

Then she said I had to take Abilfy, and that I was a bit depressed. Wohoo I guess. I know I sound really depressed here but I swear, I don't see myself as a depressed person. I just have a different view on the world. She mentioned I had a diffferent view on stuff.

But well, I still have to go to therapy too. We'll see how stuff goes next week, because the call is at 10 AM which means, NO SCHOOL!! YAYYYY!!!

So that's it. I survived another day on earth. Hope you guys did too. Is anybody other than my online friend reading this tho?

Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: I was made of crushed little stars-Mitski

I cannot understand anything.

Why am I so different? I don't feel like I belong anywhere. When I'm with everyone else I feel like a total alien. I cannot understand how some people manage to fit in easily. I do not understand.

What is wrong with me? What is it that makes me so different from everyone? Was it really how I was raised or is it something else? Am I right about being autistic or am I just faking it? What if I just faked everything? What if it was all just something I convinced myself of? What if this is actually a me problem?

I hate when people ask me to just be normal I can't take it anymore LEAVE ME ALONE. I DON'T WANT TO TALK LEAVE ME ALONE PLEASE.

Was it really how I was raised? would everything have been better if I've gotten raised another way?

Can I go?

Can I go to heaven?

What is heaven?

For me heaven is a place where there are no differences. Where everyone has rights. Where everything is ok. Where I can talk all day about my interests and I will get listened to. Where everyone is everyone. Everything is fluffy and full of silly animals. A place where i can daydream all day and listen to music all day with no responsabilities. An empty canvas, where I can just create and create stuff, where nothing else matters.

Will I ever go to heaven?

I don't want to be here anymore.

Current Mood: cheerful
Current Music: Kerosene - Crystal Castles

It went...way better from what I imagined!

When I came in, my friend's sister said hi to me and that stuff, and then when I went to do the line with my class, a girl (we'll call her K) talked to me!! She was also new, just like me (actually, I've saw her mom when I was getting into the school) and she was super talky and stuff!!! She was so nice to me...and she was so cool...

She also draws, and she draws so much better than I do!! I kind of felt bad (´。＿。｀)
But I don't want to feel jelousy for stupid stuff like that, I just have to practice more! And actually learn anatomy...but oh well. I will worry about that...uh...not today.

She drew all over me o(*////▽////*)q
Silly
And she has the same politic ideas as me!! So I won't have to filter myself...

I feel so safe with her, I thought today I was gonna be all alone, just looking at others and drawing stuff while praying someone doesn't come laugh at me. But now that I found someone who's nice, I feel so safe.

And I'm also suprised, it was so fast! Last year I finally made friends on august, and yet I still felt like they hated me. They would often go and hang out withouth me, I felt so lonely those times. (But maybe I was the one excluding myself? I don't know, I don't want to think about it right now)

We even took a photo together!! I'm so happy!!! I thought she would hate me or something!!! And she was so nice with me!! I'm so happy...but I don't want to get too happy. Just in case something happens and I get too upset. Like that one time the person who I thought was my only friend at school decided to exclude me.

And I'm also happy it was just her and I wasn't forced to hang out with a big group of people...big friendgroups are exhausting...I barely made it on a friendgroup of 6 people withouth feeling hrorible...but oh well, she was also new, she didn't know anyone either.

She's gothic, I wonder how I keep friending gothic people. My only friend at my last school was ALSO gothic. Damn am I like...a gothic magnet? I keep making gothic people talk to me?? Damn.

But yet, event though I'm happy, I feel so pathetic. I came back to the same point as last year, first day and I'm ALREADY sick!! I feel like shit. And I hate it because I want to do stuff!! I want to do all the stuff I couldn't do last year but here I am i'm sick again and it isn't even cold!! It's like the universe is laughing at me!! I hope it's just allergy, but with how continuous it's been I doubt it's just an allergy.

And it makes me feel disgusting, and makes me want to stay at home until I get better. Which that is fine but I can't. It's my first week of class I can't be absent. I made a friend, I can't be absent.

Saki from pjsk is so comforting now man (so unrelated but oh well)

But, I hope everything with this girl goes well, and I hope i'm not being too...trusthy again. Last time I did that and I just got dissapointed again. But she's so nice and accepting..I feel like I know her from years ago. And she didn't even look at me weird when I said I roleplay on tumblr!!! It made me feel so happy how she wasn't judging about the stuff I like!!

I'm happy. But I also feel weird. Thing's have been weird today, this ringing sound I get on my ear every now and then...and I already had a dream with this girl and my new school. Normally I dream about my new school like...6 months after I started. I don't get familiarized this easily! But it makes me happy too.

Yukii survived this day. Let's see if she survives the next, and the next. See you guys!

Current Mood: nervous
Current Music: Crystal Castles - Crimewave

Is it okay to say i'm scared? I want to be myself, really, I want to be brave.

But what if that's not enough? What if I get intimidated? What if they're worse? Hearing people talking behind my back is bad but, what if they're bullying me and I just didn't understand? Like done something that should obviously humiliate me, and I just stand there confused?

What if someone shows fake interest on me and I don't catch up on it, thinking they're genuinely interested and want to be my friend? What if I actually pass all of secondary with no friends?

Well I'd like to say I don't care about that but...I keep remembering the memories of all of those lonely days. I don't want to relive them. But yet, some of those memories were actually...peaceful. But when I was distressed, who'd help me??

Well, I guess if that happens, my art is just gonna get more interesting. And also, I have my online friends. And the friends I made on primary school. They're always with me.

So, let's see what this year has for me. Is it gonna get better? Is it gonna get worse? Will Yukii survive? Will this alien survive how exhausting being around other humans can be? We're about to find out!! Yukii will try to update on how the day went on when she gets back from school at around 1 PM!!! (Or so I hope)

See you.

Current Mood: This was a waste of time.
Current Music: The tv.

Politics are frustrating. You can never find someone who is actually a good person, and if there is, they never get to the top. Because only the most decepting liars will get to the top. And it seems, it's not even about charisma. You can be charismatic but the person who will win is an insane bastard who keeps yelling aggresively to everyone who doesn't agree with him.

And everyday, something new happened. They did a new stupid thing, they got rid of the rights of another minority again. They disrespected another minority again. What can we do about it? Protest and you'll get hurt. Because everyone thinks the only way to fix stuff is with violence.

And you don't even know if you're right about something or not. Because media isn't really about informing you. It's about money. It was always about money. Everything is about money. The world spins around money, and all this stupid despair about money, comes with violence. Violence as the result of all this despair piled up. It was always a fight for money.

And when your country is so fucked up, and the time for elections come, who will you vote? Someone will probably fuck up the country even more, or someone who can fix it, but on the process, take away your rights? What is more important? Your rights, or the money? The economy?

Well, the reality is that, I can understand if you vote the second one. It's a desperate act. A desperate act for change, to see if things get better. But they are getting worse for a certain group of people, because people hate different, and when they see different, they will try to get rid of it. The second one isn't quite trustworthy, but the first one's just using a fake mask of charisma. They probably don't give a fuck about you either.

And I don't want to keep thinking about this. But you can't escape the world of politics, because it's everywhere around you, and you're inside of it, forced to live in it, and forced to participate. You're going to see it everywhere. And you will be forced to have an opinion on it, because that will determine all your life, each step you take and everything you do. Thinking about it is exhausting, I want to escape. Escape far away from all of this, and make my own silly town with anyone who wants to join. But the more it grows we will just end up on all of this again, because at this point it's human nature, to be selfish. To only think about what you think is right, and take small consideration about other's opinion. But maybe, they're just as selfish as you.

Thanks for listening to me overthinking about Milei trying to change de deegrees of discapacy to retarded, idiot and other offensive terms that have been discontinued long ago. Writing this felt like drowning. But I just had to get rid of this thought.

Current Mood: blank
Current Location: my house.
Current Music: The air conditioner.

Well actually, maybe I'm the least chronically online kid if I were to be compared with my ex-classmates. I do pass all of my days on the internet, but really, not using tiktok 24/7 changes your mind a lot. I mean, I still use it an hour a day or a little bit more because with my new phone, I have easier access to the app, as it works faster. But, back when I was 11, I swear all my life was tiktok. And my god (who was actually another 11 year old kid that I was in love with and depended emotionally on). I barely remember drawing that year. Or maybe, I just drawed a lot more traditionally back then, as I didn't have a drawing tablet. But yet, I swear my opinion on something changed as fast as I saw the comments on a post. It was pathetic. It's pathetic how people change opinions as fast as they see a tiktok about it or the comments of a tiktok. It's like they're all part of a hive mind. All mindless sheep following...something. I forgot what the saying was. Was it following the wind? Nevermind.

Well, the thing is, I finally escaped from the grasps of character.ai and any sort of ai chatbot, and found a roleplay partner. You call them that right? With actual people, I've never done roleplay with anybody who weren't my friends, and yet they were the closest friends I had. Closest because I actually didn't have any other friends other than them, up until first year of secondary, I didn't find making new friends necessary. And it wasn't. And online friends...well I did make one, back in seventh grade of primary. We still talk and she's probably my closest friend at the moment. But that isn't the point. I keep going away from the point but I like it.

Well we're roleplaying on tumblr, it's fun. I always liked watching people roleplay but now, I'm not watching them. I'm part of it. I feel great. Almost cried when I found a potential someone to roleplay with because i'm too shy to join a roleplay with more than a single person on it, and he just made the account so...yeah. I've wanted to roleplay with someone so bad. But my friends that I used to roleplay with before are not in the same fandom as me. Actually, we roleplayed with our O.C's. But i'm so obsessed with Invader Zim I can't for the love of me roleplay something that isn't related to that and not get bored on the span of maybe half an hour. Back then I was so interested on my O.C's, so yeah. But also, our roleplays were...uh...definetely something I don't want to talk about here. (Just in case, we were 11.)

So, my idiot self was used to getting fast answers because we roleplayed on whatsapp or discord, and since i'm stupid I was expecting the same of tumblr (I don't know why, that's definetely stupid.) and I staid the whole day waiting for an answer and I barely slept. And funny enough I dreamt with him answering. 7 times in the same night. It's insane how "excited" I can get about something. Or I don't know I think that was excitement, or so I guess, I don't know actually. I'm possibly mentally ill or something.

Then I woke up and he still didn't answer LMAO.

Uhh, I was gonna say what happened then, but you know, I forgot. I just remember talking to my parents about the roleplay after we actually roleplayed something and that somehow ending up on me crying my ass off. And then that ending up on me and my dad watching Invader Zim? Cool.

Uhh oh yeah and it somehow ended up on my parents saying they're gonna search a therapist for me, but, last time we searched one, we never found one.

I just want a diagnosis, I want to know why I'm so different. Am I autistic?? Do I have ADHD??? Do I have a personality disorder?? Do I have some weird type of depression? I want to know...

But that's all for today, people. I survived thursday. I hope you guys too. Good night.

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Yukii :3

June 2025

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Page Summary

Here withouth K
Watch me try to make differences
I'm scared
LET'S GO TO HEAVEN.
The horrid book fair
ANNOYING ASS CLASSMATES.
Stuff I think I should say
OH GOD OH FUCK I mean I took the medication
A talk with the Psychiatrist
I can't unders
First day of class: what actually happened
Feelings for first day of class.
The frustrating and confusing world of politics.
Thoughts of a chronically online teenager about roleplay.

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Page generated Jul. 5th, 2025 08:31 am

An alien trying to survive humanity

Or a kid with possible mental illness just existing

Entries tagged with life talking

Here withouth K

Watch me try to make differences

I'm scared

LET'S GO TO HEAVEN.

The horrid book fair

ANNOYING ASS CLASSMATES.

Stuff I think I should say

OH GOD OH FUCK I mean I took the medication

A talk with the Psychiatrist

I can't unders

First day of class: what actually happened

Feelings for first day of class.

The frustrating and confusing world of politics.

Thoughts of a chronically online teenager about roleplay.