dy1ng_onar4inb0w: uhh...girl with a black dress and a pink silly background i found on pinterest (Default)
[personal profile] dy1ng_onar4inb0w
 Today I had to talk with a psychiatrist by phone.

It was...definetely something.

So she asked my mom stuff about me, I was right besides her because she wanted me to talk whenever she forgot to say something. I actually forgot most of what she told my mom because, I always do. I always forget this stuff somehow. I don't know if it's normal.

I think she told her about how I suspected I might be autistic, and about what I call crying episodes where I cry for like 2 hours, scream, and try to scratch myself. Turns out this is self harm? I didn't do it with the intent of self harm I just...do it. And I never genuinely hurt myself too badly. She also told her about how loud noises were mega annoying to me, and how much I suffered on the primary graduation trip. She asked if I had many friends, she said no.

I don't know what are many friends. I consider I have the neccesary amount of friends. I have a friendgroup who I talk to everyday which is about 4 people. The fourth one isn't usually online. We're 5 including myself, but we barely hang out. We only chat. We're friends since primary school.

Then I have two online friends, one being one of my closests friends, and the other one I met him some weeks ago. Any other person I talked to before, sorry but I don't quite consider them friends. Atleast not anymore. 

Then friends at school, right now just about one or maybe two if I want to consider the other girl a friend? But really, me and K are perfect like that. I don't want anyone else. It's too much, too overwhelming. Or maybe it would be easier if B also talked to K.

And my last school, I had M but we barely talk anymore. Just replying to one another's whatsapp status and that's about it. I'm ok with it. I don't want any further communication. And I don't want any more friends, that's more than enough. More will bring me insane. Not saying I hate to talk to them but you have to take care of your friendships, you know?

Then the psychiatrist talked to me. She asked me stuff like why do I feel like nobody understands me, about my friendships, about school, uhh...what more...ughh can't remember..I had something at the tip of my tongue but I can't remember!!!!! This is annoying. I hate it. I should write more and use social media even much less. That will be better. Short videos are overstimulating my brain. Maybe I should uninstall instagram too. 

Well coming back to the Psychiatrist, she asked me too if I saw or heard stuff. I said I didn't, other than my own voice in my head. Didn't mention that if it's not that i'm daydreaming or listening to music in my head. If I can't use headphones that's ok I have my head.

Then she said I had to take Abilfy, and that I was a bit depressed. Wohoo I guess. I know I sound really depressed here but I swear, I don't see myself as a depressed person. I just have a different view on the world. She mentioned I had a diffferent view on stuff. 

But well, I still have to go to therapy too. We'll see how stuff goes next week, because the call is at 10 AM which means, NO SCHOOL!! YAYYYY!!!

So that's it. I survived another day on earth. Hope you guys did too. Is anybody other than my online friend reading this tho?





Date: 2025-04-11 01:36 pm (UTC)
bryce4_4: Tetsuo from Akira (Default)
From: [personal profile] bryce4_4
I am reading your post. I'm am in a sort of similar position. I am really lonely at times at school, and last year, I did Self Harm. It is still going on sort of. But it's gotten a lot better. Though I have been very stressed out lately from just everything in my life. I hope you are doing better right now.

Date: 2025-04-12 12:14 am (UTC)
bryce4_4: Tetsuo from Akira (Default)
From: [personal profile] bryce4_4
Welcome!

Date: 2025-04-16 05:10 pm (UTC)
imgrunengewolbe: (Default)
From: [personal profile] imgrunengewolbe
Hey you two. I get you a lot. I have similar issues. Been struggling. Just I wanna know you you're not alone.

Date: 2025-04-16 10:58 pm (UTC)
bryce4_4: Tetsuo from Akira (Default)
From: [personal profile] bryce4_4
Thanks!

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dy1ng_onar4inb0w: uhh...girl with a black dress and a pink silly background i found on pinterest (Default)
Yukii :3

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