A talk with the Psychiatrist
Apr. 8th, 2025 07:01 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
Today I had to talk with a psychiatrist by phone.
It was...definetely something.
So she asked my mom stuff about me, I was right besides her because she wanted me to talk whenever she forgot to say something. I actually forgot most of what she told my mom because, I always do. I always forget this stuff somehow. I don't know if it's normal.
I think she told her about how I suspected I might be autistic, and about what I call crying episodes where I cry for like 2 hours, scream, and try to scratch myself. Turns out this is self harm? I didn't do it with the intent of self harm I just...do it. And I never genuinely hurt myself too badly. She also told her about how loud noises were mega annoying to me, and how much I suffered on the primary graduation trip. She asked if I had many friends, she said no.
I don't know what are many friends. I consider I have the neccesary amount of friends. I have a friendgroup who I talk to everyday which is about 4 people. The fourth one isn't usually online. We're 5 including myself, but we barely hang out. We only chat. We're friends since primary school.
Then I have two online friends, one being one of my closests friends, and the other one I met him some weeks ago. Any other person I talked to before, sorry but I don't quite consider them friends. Atleast not anymore.
Then friends at school, right now just about one or maybe two if I want to consider the other girl a friend? But really, me and K are perfect like that. I don't want anyone else. It's too much, too overwhelming. Or maybe it would be easier if B also talked to K.
And my last school, I had M but we barely talk anymore. Just replying to one another's whatsapp status and that's about it. I'm ok with it. I don't want any further communication. And I don't want any more friends, that's more than enough. More will bring me insane. Not saying I hate to talk to them but you have to take care of your friendships, you know?
Then the psychiatrist talked to me. She asked me stuff like why do I feel like nobody understands me, about my friendships, about school, uhh...what more...ughh can't remember..I had something at the tip of my tongue but I can't remember!!!!! This is annoying. I hate it. I should write more and use social media even much less. That will be better. Short videos are overstimulating my brain. Maybe I should uninstall instagram too.
Well coming back to the Psychiatrist, she asked me too if I saw or heard stuff. I said I didn't, other than my own voice in my head. Didn't mention that if it's not that i'm daydreaming or listening to music in my head. If I can't use headphones that's ok I have my head.
Then she said I had to take Abilfy, and that I was a bit depressed. Wohoo I guess. I know I sound really depressed here but I swear, I don't see myself as a depressed person. I just have a different view on the world. She mentioned I had a diffferent view on stuff.
But well, I still have to go to therapy too. We'll see how stuff goes next week, because the call is at 10 AM which means, NO SCHOOL!! YAYYYY!!!
So that's it. I survived another day on earth. Hope you guys did too. Is anybody other than my online friend reading this tho?
It was...definetely something.
So she asked my mom stuff about me, I was right besides her because she wanted me to talk whenever she forgot to say something. I actually forgot most of what she told my mom because, I always do. I always forget this stuff somehow. I don't know if it's normal.
I think she told her about how I suspected I might be autistic, and about what I call crying episodes where I cry for like 2 hours, scream, and try to scratch myself. Turns out this is self harm? I didn't do it with the intent of self harm I just...do it. And I never genuinely hurt myself too badly. She also told her about how loud noises were mega annoying to me, and how much I suffered on the primary graduation trip. She asked if I had many friends, she said no.
I don't know what are many friends. I consider I have the neccesary amount of friends. I have a friendgroup who I talk to everyday which is about 4 people. The fourth one isn't usually online. We're 5 including myself, but we barely hang out. We only chat. We're friends since primary school.
Then I have two online friends, one being one of my closests friends, and the other one I met him some weeks ago. Any other person I talked to before, sorry but I don't quite consider them friends. Atleast not anymore.
Then friends at school, right now just about one or maybe two if I want to consider the other girl a friend? But really, me and K are perfect like that. I don't want anyone else. It's too much, too overwhelming. Or maybe it would be easier if B also talked to K.
And my last school, I had M but we barely talk anymore. Just replying to one another's whatsapp status and that's about it. I'm ok with it. I don't want any further communication. And I don't want any more friends, that's more than enough. More will bring me insane. Not saying I hate to talk to them but you have to take care of your friendships, you know?
Then the psychiatrist talked to me. She asked me stuff like why do I feel like nobody understands me, about my friendships, about school, uhh...what more...ughh can't remember..I had something at the tip of my tongue but I can't remember!!!!! This is annoying. I hate it. I should write more and use social media even much less. That will be better. Short videos are overstimulating my brain. Maybe I should uninstall instagram too.
Well coming back to the Psychiatrist, she asked me too if I saw or heard stuff. I said I didn't, other than my own voice in my head. Didn't mention that if it's not that i'm daydreaming or listening to music in my head. If I can't use headphones that's ok I have my head.
Then she said I had to take Abilfy, and that I was a bit depressed. Wohoo I guess. I know I sound really depressed here but I swear, I don't see myself as a depressed person. I just have a different view on the world. She mentioned I had a diffferent view on stuff.
But well, I still have to go to therapy too. We'll see how stuff goes next week, because the call is at 10 AM which means, NO SCHOOL!! YAYYYY!!!
So that's it. I survived another day on earth. Hope you guys did too. Is anybody other than my online friend reading this tho?
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Date: 2025-04-11 01:36 pm (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2025-04-20 06:41 pm (UTC)thank you though, it's nice knowing i'm not the only one :)
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Date: 2025-04-16 10:58 pm (UTC)