Feelings for first day of class.

Is it okay to say i'm scared? I want to be myself, really, I want to be brave.

But what if that's not enough? What if I get intimidated? What if they're worse? Hearing people talking behind my back is bad but, what if they're bullying me and I just didn't understand? Like done something that should obviously humiliate me, and I just stand there confused?

What if someone shows fake interest on me and I don't catch up on it, thinking they're genuinely interested and want to be my friend? What if I actually pass all of secondary with no friends?

Well I'd like to say I don't care about that but...I keep remembering the memories of all of those lonely days. I don't want to relive them. But yet, some of those memories were actually...peaceful. But when I was distressed, who'd help me??

Well, I guess if that happens, my art is just gonna get more interesting. And also, I have my online friends. And the friends I made on primary school. They're always with me.

So, let's see what this year has for me. Is it gonna get better? Is it gonna get worse? Will Yukii survive? Will this alien survive how exhausting being around other humans can be? We're about to find out!! Yukii will try to update on how the day went on when she gets back from school at around 1 PM!!! (Or so I hope)

See you.

First day of class: what actually happened

It went...way better from what I imagined!

When I came in, my friend's sister said hi to me and that stuff, and then when I went to do the line with my class, a girl (we'll call her K) talked to me!! She was also new, just like me (actually, I've saw her mom when I was getting into the school) and she was super talky and stuff!!! She was so nice to me...and she was so cool...

She also draws, and she draws so much better than I do!! I kind of felt bad (´。＿。｀)
But I don't want to feel jelousy for stupid stuff like that, I just have to practice more! And actually learn anatomy...but oh well. I will worry about that...uh...not today.

She drew all over me o(*////▽////*)q
Silly
And she has the same politic ideas as me!! So I won't have to filter myself...

I feel so safe with her, I thought today I was gonna be all alone, just looking at others and drawing stuff while praying someone doesn't come laugh at me. But now that I found someone who's nice, I feel so safe.

And I'm also suprised, it was so fast! Last year I finally made friends on august, and yet I still felt like they hated me. They would often go and hang out withouth me, I felt so lonely those times. (But maybe I was the one excluding myself? I don't know, I don't want to think about it right now)

We even took a photo together!! I'm so happy!!! I thought she would hate me or something!!! And she was so nice with me!! I'm so happy...but I don't want to get too happy. Just in case something happens and I get too upset. Like that one time the person who I thought was my only friend at school decided to exclude me.

And I'm also happy it was just her and I wasn't forced to hang out with a big group of people...big friendgroups are exhausting...I barely made it on a friendgroup of 6 people withouth feeling hrorible...but oh well, she was also new, she didn't know anyone either.

She's gothic, I wonder how I keep friending gothic people. My only friend at my last school was ALSO gothic. Damn am I like...a gothic magnet? I keep making gothic people talk to me?? Damn.

But yet, event though I'm happy, I feel so pathetic. I came back to the same point as last year, first day and I'm ALREADY sick!! I feel like shit. And I hate it because I want to do stuff!! I want to do all the stuff I couldn't do last year but here I am i'm sick again and it isn't even cold!! It's like the universe is laughing at me!! I hope it's just allergy, but with how continuous it's been I doubt it's just an allergy.

And it makes me feel disgusting, and makes me want to stay at home until I get better. Which that is fine but I can't. It's my first week of class I can't be absent. I made a friend, I can't be absent.

Saki from pjsk is so comforting now man (so unrelated but oh well)

But, I hope everything with this girl goes well, and I hope i'm not being too...trusthy again. Last time I did that and I just got dissapointed again. But she's so nice and accepting..I feel like I know her from years ago. And she didn't even look at me weird when I said I roleplay on tumblr!!! It made me feel so happy how she wasn't judging about the stuff I like!!

I'm happy. But I also feel weird. Thing's have been weird today, this ringing sound I get on my ear every now and then...and I already had a dream with this girl and my new school. Normally I dream about my new school like...6 months after I started. I don't get familiarized this easily! But it makes me happy too.

Yukii survived this day. Let's see if she survives the next, and the next. See you guys!